02 April 2014

The WAT: Hamburger holds the Swiss

Bundesliga side Hamburger SV, which is the funniest of several acceptable ways of referring to that club in English, recently triggered a buyout clause in their loan contract with Johan Djourou that will keep the defender at the German club until 2016. While "Hamburger SV" isn't that funny, sources said, it is definitely the funniest option on the table thus far, overtaking competitors "Hamburg," "HSV," and the close second, "Hamburger Sport-Verein e.V."
(source: The Daily Mail)

The following statement was released by Hamburger SV head coach Mirko Slomka following the move on Djourou: "While the 'Hamburger' cross-language homograph is recognized as being nestled firmly within the upper stratosphere of contemporary world-aware English-language comedy, it loses roughly 50 percent of its hilarity when translated to any other language, particularly German and Arabic. It is regardless very, very funny, and is far and away the funniest way to talk about our club in any language."

The past few weeks have been a little rocky for Arsenal, following a particularly bad thrashing at Stamford Bridge. However, manager Arsene Wenger was able to put the news in perspective: "I have been here for a very long time now ... Johan has been with this club for 10 years, so it is not easy to say goodbye -- but I am happy to see him going to a club with such a silly name. It's even sillier how I say it; listen: 'am-burgère. Merveilleux."

At press time, Djourou was happy to extend his stay at Hamburger SV, but admitted that he sees himself ending his career at a bigger club, preferably one with more toppings.

In other news, Piers Morgan's well-publicized firing from CNN finally took on Friday. Larry King will be returning to his old slot next week.

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