09 May 2014

The WAT: Fit Diaby speaks to media while standing directly underneath grand piano suspended by frayed rope

Abou Diaby in action.
French international Abou Diaby has announced that, while his recent return to fitness may leave little room for a Premier League start this season, he is hopeful that he may be called up to perform for France at this summer's World Cup in Brazil, during a press conference held directly under a hastily and precariously suspended grand piano.

“There are two games left, you have to be realistic. But if I could be the 23rd man on the plane for Brazil … I dream of that," said Diaby, apparently either unaware of, or indifferent to, the 1,200-pound Steinway & Sons instrument straining the rope mere meters above his head.

“You ask yourself whether you’re going to still be a footballer ... you think of giving up everything," Diaby explained to the press as a hummingbird alighted on the piano, causing yet another few fibers of the already overworked rope to snap and curl away as the press pool collectively held their breaths as tight as they could -- as if letting them go would loose the transcendent machine wrought of ivory and ebony, locked in a timeless dance between form and function, upon Abou Diaby's tender pate.

“I had to start from scratch. But given where I’d been, it didn’t really matter. It’s been tough because I’ve had a lot of injuries. I’m religious, and in my belief, despair doesn’t exist," he went on, while drenched in the shadow of the massive object, to the agape press pool.

Following the remarks, Diaby stepped out from underneath the dangling monolith to the audible relief of those in attendance. He then leapt from the podium, landing a little funny but walking off the strain.

At press time, sources confirmed that Diaby is in the parking lot, showing off some pretty sweet skateboard tricks, if anyone wants to come check it out.

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