05 September 2014

The WAT: Arsene Wenger FIRED

... from commentating position at French television channel, TF1. The news comes as a shock after 10 years of providing his expert insight regarding Les Blues -- the French national team -- this writer assumes, not having practiced French since high school.
Hieronymous Bosch's Interlull and the Human Condition, ca. 1490-1516

The Frenchman brought a certain je ne sais quois to TF1, probably, though it's pretty hard to say, since the broadcast is not available in the U.S. This journalist assumes that "Le Prof" provided not only a measure of economical insight to the sport, but also a brazen, pearly white smile disarming enough to cause a car accident -- something he rarely allows himself at his other job.

They say that all TF1 commentators want to be Premier League managers -- and all Premier League managers want to be TF1 commentators. For the past dix ans, Arsene Wenger was arguably the luckiest homme in the world, with both of the aforementioned notches confidently etched into his proverbial bed-post.

But the Frenchman's dream has now made way for a major depression-inducing awakening. The jilted manager went through a range of emotions, according to reports, before succumbing to the existential horror of now being only partially employed.

A spokesman for Arsenal has revealed the boss' new plans for the remainder of the interlull at a press conference this morning: "Mr. Wenger will use his newfound free time during the interlull to lay in bed all day, going over and over and over again in his head what he did wrong. Was he released from his contract because his audience didn't like him? Or was this a decision made by the producers for other reasons, perhaps political? He won't know; he can't know. Eventually, time will scab over the gaping wound in his soul, gradually giving way to new tissue. But the scars will last a lifetime."

In other news, some of the boys made a video goof in support of gay folks, and the interlull continues.

1 comment:

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