26 September 2014

The WAT: Top 6 Derby Day Tottenham Take-Downs

Tomorrow is the ultimate -- the North London Derby. Arsenal will face off against their most hated rivals, Tottenham Hotspur, the eleventh-best team in the Premiership in 2008.

It's a great opportunity to get behind the Arsenal, but sometimes rooting for the players on the field just isn't enough. Sometimes, you need to show your support with biting take-downs. An enemy is not beaten unless their will is broken; they are not crushed until they are taking sit-down, cry-showers. In order to bolster your Derby Day Take-Down arsenal, The WAT has compiled the top 6 ruthless mud-slings to hurl at Spurs supporters' stupid faces.

1. Hotspurs? More like Lukewarm Spurs. 
Some simple wordplay like the above is sure to not only take down the average Spurs fan -- it will confuse them as well!
Likely Spurs response: "Whaaa?"

2. North London SUCKS
Hit Spurs fans where it hurts: home. Nothing will get them riled up like trashing their beloved North London roots.
Likely Spurs response: "Ouch!"

3. Go back to White Hart Lame Lane
Make sure to use both Lame and Lane in your take-down to emphasize the difference between the two words. Then watch that Spurs fan's face turn Arsenal red!
Likely Spurs response: "I'm humiliated!"

4. Hey, Benjamin STROMBOLI! Eat shit.
Newcomer Benjamin Stambouli hates being called Benjamin Stromboli. And telling him to eat shit is like the mozzarella on the salami.
Likely Spurs response: "Oh, come on! Go easy!"

5. Mauricio Pochettino is the best manager ever ... PSYCH!
You can't dash someone's hopes without first raising them way up in the air. This classic psych-out will have that Spurs fan filled with joie de vivre, just before he wishes he was dead.
Likely Spurs response: "Thanks! Wait, what??"

6. How's development coming along at NorthDUMBerland?
While Spurs' new stadium likely won't open until Summer 2017, now is the perfect time to get started on some clever, stadium-disparaging wordplay. This question will seem innocuous enough to the average Spurs fan, who won't realize you changed the pronunciation until hours following the humiliating defeat of his precious football club. The slow knife cuts the deepest.
Likely Spurs response: "Wait, did that handsome Arsenal fan say Northumberland, or NorthDUMBerland?"

No comments:

Post a Comment