The team of young sleuths, ring-lead by Thomas Eisfeld and including members Daniel Boateng, Benik Afobe and of course their trusty Corgi, Ian (who can sort of talk), captured the mascot and revealed his identity Thursday at a public press conference:
"We are pleased to announce that, after following a lot of false leads, hitting the pavement day in, day out, and putting in a lot of good old-fashioned police work, we have finally confirmed the suspicions that many have harbored all along: that Gunnersaurus is, in fact, not a real dinosaur, but rather an impostor. And that impostor is none other than German superstar Mesut Özil. His reign of terror as Arsenal mascot is officially over," said Eisfeld, a barely visible tear struggling down his cheek.
Gunnersaurus/Mesut Özil seen here, playing with an Arsenal child-fan.[image courtesy: http://upthearsenal.wordpress.com]
"Yes, it was I, Mesut Özil, all along! It was I who convinced Bendtner his wages were too high at Arsenal to move on! I, who gave Giroud the sub-par haircut he's started the 2013 season with! I, who stole Rosicky's Slayer albums, under cover of night! And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you pesky U-21s!""Anyway," Özil continued, "I am honored and elated to begin my tenure with Arsenal as a player. I have the respect of the manager, which is very important to me, et cetera, et cetera [sic]."
Following the remarks, the young crime-stoppers led their charge back inside their windowless "Mystery Van."
When reached afterwards for comment regarding Wenger's contract negotiations next year, Ian the Corgi articulated: "RENGER ROUT!", but later conceded that it's a complicated issue, we need to consider who would replace him, and frankly, it's just not the most important thing right now.
In related news, we all know that Arsenal's one and only mascot is Wenger's coat.